It's been about 3½ years since my father died. It happened just as I was getting use to work life, doing my best at my new job. I didn't visit my parents as much as I wish I had, given that it was a 2-hour train ride away and I had my hands full. It's something I still regret. My father would ask when I would come and visit them, that he missed me. And then suddenly, out of the blue, he was gone, and I couldn't change the past, visiting them as often as I could. It was honestly a completely surreal experience. Half of my foundation just disappeared from under me and I still to this day delineate my life as before and after my father's death. Before was a happier time. I felt safer somehow. My mother would smile and laugh a lot more. She has really struggled ever since.
I couldn't function properly in the time after. I was less reliable, chose to work from home a lot. After about 1½ month of this, the company I worked for fired me, which didn't help my situation, to say the least. I spent a couple months after I got fired to get back on my feet, building myself up again. And then I started job hunting. Problem is, half a year or so prior, ChatGPT had rocked the work. And while it had made me nervous, in terms of job security, I hadn't at all expected the shift in the job market that followed, to happen so soon after.
When I graduated, it was to a job market that was hungering for software developers. I got a job right out of the gate. Now, it was the employers job market. The pool of unemployed, experienced developers out there was growing by the day. And there I was, a newly graduated developer, up against them, for the fewer jobs posted. Fast forward to today. I have been job hunting, sending my CV and job applications to any job posting that looks appropriate for me. In the beginning, I was contacted by companies for clarifications, and I got a few job interviews. But the last 1-1½ year, I haven't gotten anything, other than rejection mails.
Now, I wonder if I will ever be able to break into the industry that I spent years studying for. Were all those years for nothing? Where do I go from here? Should I make my own company? I have no idea.
I'm sorry my blog has been such a downer the last many posts. But then again, I doubt many are visiting it. It's mostly just a vent for me.